Posted by: jomorey | November 24, 2009

Bye Bye Bangkok…

My Thai massage last night thankfully more than made up for the beating I took last week in Pattaya where the ‘masseuse’ pummeled me into a bruised mess. Last night I was a piano, and my 70-something year old masseur was Ray Charles. Shanti Lodge claims it is “the best Thai massage in the world”, and by my reckoning (and I estimate that in my life I have had at least 25 Thai massages), it is.  By a long way. The wise old lady kind of feels your needs, and just has an amazing touch. If you are ever in Bangkok, then you should definitely make your way here for this. And make sure you ask for “the older one”!! Perhaps the best 7 quid I have ever spent.

Yesterday we took a lovely walk and checked out the Giant Swing, which Thai men (I presume they were men; surely women wouldn’t have been so silly, seeing the obviously flawed physics of the situation) used to . We also took in the National Monument and Ian and Will made it to the amulets market.

We are whizzing off now to Siem Reap, crossing the border into Brangelina Land. Angkor Wat first thing tomorrow. We are also too too excited about the fact that Cambodia is the only country in the world where you can get red bananas.

We have just tried a mangosteen, the so-called King of fruits. Delish.

See ya’s, need to go and check where our bus has got to… xx

Posted by: jomorey | November 22, 2009

Ladyjoboy

My identity crisis continues. Now it is not my name which is causing confusion. No, the Ho’s, Dough’s and Joke’s have finally abated. Rather, it is my gender. Three times now, in the past two days, Thai officials / taxi drivers have greeted me with the phrase “Hello Sir”. Maybe the ladyboy show had a greater effect on me than I first thought…

xx

Posted by: willmorey | November 21, 2009

Phallic Shrine

It was like seeing a duck find water, salt find vinegar, and fish find chips, all wrapped up in one special moment.  Ian reached a kind of spiritual mecca last night and we have the photos to prove it.

Upon completing some research into the alternative Bangkok, finding the interesting and bizarre underbelly that is Bangkok beyond the pole dancing and the go go bars, I discovered a Phallic Shrine that has formed the start of our cultural journey for the next few days.  It stands alongside such delights as a new fetish bar where your drink is served by one woman leading another woman by a dog lead, the biggest restaurant in the world where your food is served by roller skating waiters and waitresses who also fly and walk on water,  a gay choreographed dance show that includes live sex, and a forensics museum that houses embalmed bodies of serial killers for viewing.

The Phallic Shrine is housed in a new hotel development near Chitlom on the other side of Bangkok so we set out to join Ian on his pilgrimage.  After a brief stop at another temple, shaped very much like a shopping mall where Ian was able to buy some pinstripe shorts, we trekked on through the balmy night air towards our destination.

When we reached the hotel we decided to stop for some sustenance in the form of a cocktail in the rather plush bar.  We shortly had to undertake the embarrassing task of extricating ourselves from said bar due to the wallet-dentingly high price of cocktails. We tried to blend into an Indian delegation of health professionals who were attending a free cocktail party and dinner to see if we could liberate some of the many cocktails that were on the tables but were sadly unsuccessful.

After Jo asked the doorman for some directions to the Phallic shrine (Ian and I sniggering in the background) we set out through the wilds of the carpark, down the rapids of the air conditioning system outlet and through into the open jungle at the back of the garage and store shed to find Ian’s mecca, his shrine of shrines.

It really was quite amazing to see all these wooden, metal, sandstone and pottery phallusses (or is it phalli?)  A small sign by the shrine provides some explanation:

The origins of Chao Mae Tuptim are obscure. It can only be recalled that a spirit house was built by Nai Lert for the spirit who was believed to reside in the large Sai (Ficus) tree.

The basic offerings are fragrant wreaths of snow-white jasmine flowers, incense sticks, pink and white lotus buds. Chao Mae Tuptim has received yet another, rather unconventional kind of gift, phallic in shape, both small and large, stylised and highly realistic. Over the years they have been brought by the thousands and today fill the area around the shrine. Confronted by the extraordinary display the shrine has automatically been concluded to be decidated to fertility.

Ian now wants to find the overflow phalli warehouse where all of the phalli that aren’t at the temple are stored.  This is apparently his true shrine of shrines

Posted by: willmorey | November 21, 2009

$5bn and the people in poverty

One of the questions we get asked a lot and also ask others as we travel from country to country is “Where is your favourite place?”.  As you meet people who are travelling in similar areas and have travelled all over the world it is lovely to hear their stories of favourite places and why they meant so much to them.

For me there are two countries that really stand out. The first is India, for a million reasons.  It has that marmite quality of love it or hate it.  You speak to one person and they regale you with experiences of diarrhea, theft, con artists, torturous bus journeys, cockroaches and people who would steal the breath from a dying man.  Then you talk to the next person who has been to the same places and they tell you of the greatest, loving caring people you could meet, acts of supreme kindness and generosity that bring a lump to the throat, and food so delicious you start slavering at the very thought of it.  I am in the second camp.  Great people, great country, great food and a scale of beauty and diversity it is hard for a boy from a small Island called Britain to grasp.

When I think of India I am fascinated by the colours, the  immense sweat and grime, dirty streets,  and more people in the scope of my eye than I knew could fit.

When you get off the plane you are thrown into the heat, the dust and the smell of people in all their raw reality.  The food, the sweat, the rubbish, piss and shit and perfume of people living, sleeping, breathing, farting and fucking on top of one another in a crowded city.

People flow in every direction, walking, running and jostling their way through the heaving sweaty mass.  Shouts, laughter, revving engines, growling rickshaw motors, and unknown phrases spat to and fro surround you.

The smell of sweat and spice concentrates the raw odour of humanity through the heat of the pavement.  You have to find the rhythm, the ebb and flow of the crowd and your place in it.

The streets are part of life; not just walkways but homes, kitchens, shops and beds.  Streets seemingly sweaty and damp with their own perspiration lubricate the friction of difficult lives played out on their surface.

India can be tough but just like anything worthwhile, to find the hidden gems you have to search in strange places.

The other place I answer as my favorite is Myanmar.  I won’t repeat the content of the many posts we have already written about Myanmar. It is again probably a marmite experience.  A happy, smiling, warm people who seem to approach their everyday life with a calm determination that belies the hardship that is forced upon them by an oppressive military regime.

A people who have every right to be depressed, angry, resentful and uncaring are in fact just the opposite.  Their country is beautiful beyond words.

As I sit here in our lovely guest house in Bangkok enjoying the free wifi and overpriced veggie food I read yet another depressing story about the continued suffering of the people of Myanmar.

Myanmar is one of the poorest countries in the world and has negligible state spending on healthcare and education.  However the Military leaders have recently banked nearly $5bn in offshore accounts in Singapore.  This money comes from the gas pipeline project in Myanmar operated by French company Total, and as this article argues Total are complicit in supporting the military junta.

Maybe I have too much time on my hands to think at the moment but things don’t seem right with the world.  Yet again here we are with something that should anger, offend, distress and disgust every single one of us, but it doesn’t really.  We know it is wrong but some sort of weird mental process takes place that makes us quickly forget the anger and disgust and go back to our comfortable lives, afraid as ever to rock the boat.

Are we really more concerned with preserving the status quo and maintaining our economic stability than with standing up for the basic rights of our fellow human beings? Maybe we are… I am still here enjoying overpriced pumpkin soup and posting this blog on the free wifi.

Posted by: jomorey | November 20, 2009

What is the world coming to??

This is the cheapest item of food we could find in Ho Chi Minh airport. Six dollars!! For a sandwich. A tiny, crappy, wafer thin sandwich. With ham and cheese in it. Allegedly.

I mean... really?!!

Posted by: jomorey | November 20, 2009

Today is…

poached eggs and brown rice, passion fruit smoothies, jasmine green tea, ma pao o for where art thou ma pao?, reading a bit, writing a bit, stretching a bit, wiping sleepy dust from my eyes, finding a happy home van for NZ, emailing, more passion fruit smoothies…

Posted by: willmorey | November 19, 2009

Things to do in Pattaya

There are many things you can do to pass the time in Pattaya, some more innocent than others. With the help, support and fashion advice from Eeyore, Ian and I went for some rather dramatic haircuts.

As the pictures show, I am part way through the creation of a rather beautiful mohican and Ian, with the help of Eeyore, is going for a sort of high top affair.

Eeyore providing crucial advice on the latest donkey chic hightop

Will joins the Last of the mohicans

Both of these haircuts ended up in a shaved head, one more dramatic than the other.

Sorry Mum – I am sure the grade one will grow back soon.

It’s been very busy… and I still haven’t finished writing about Vietnam which we left over a week ago. Promise promise promise to write every day this week!! And more photos to follow v soon…

Sandwiched In A Really Teeny Weeny Tuk-Tuk

We have met up with Ian, chilled for a few days in Bangkok, eaten most of the ten huge Green & Blacks bars he brought out with him (our first proper choc since too long)*, been repeatedly massaged into glorious oblivion, and then moved on to Pattaya.

We stayed for 3-4 nights at the lovely Suk 11 in Bangkok, which had been recommended by the lovely Violet Dear whom we met in Indonesia. She was spot on. Suk 11 is a beautifully dark and cosy Arabian nights style hostel with pokey corners and delicious free breakfast. Plus there was a hospital right next door where I could get my stitches out, so the whole thing was completely painless (almost).

Stitches Out!!

Loved our cocktail night at The Banyan Tree’s stunningly beautiful rooftop bar Vertigo (check out the picture on the link – oooooh pwetty). We sort of surpassed our daily budget by cocktail round no.3 but, hey who’s counting?? Oh, Will actually. Doh.

Quick Catch Up – Final days in and musings on Vietnam -

 

1. We had an absolutely yummylicious meal at Quan An Ngon, which I highly recommend. Wonderful Vietnamese food in beautiful surroundings at easy prices.

2. One thing I noted whilst travelling around Vietnam was the use of glass panels in toilets to make every toilet cubicle effectively see-through! I have never seen this anywhere else, but here every other public toilet seemed to be a peep show.

3. The Vietnamese hotel hospitality was wonderful. Even the cheapest rooms always give you a fresh towel, new soap and a new toothbrush and toothpaste. We were so spoiled with our bathroom condiments.

4. Em, Clary – Thought of you when we saw “Very Good” Popcorn at a service station somewhere in the middle of nowhere very much. Velly velly good.

Tanktastic

5. The War Remnants Museum in Ho Chi Minh was a very good exhibition showing the shocking human and political atrocities of the Vietnam War. Most interesting were photo accounts of the war, particularly those of English photo journalist Larry Burrows who revealed to the American public the true depictions of the war whilst it was happening.  Other displays included horrific images of the effects of Agent Orange and other chemicals on both people at the time and now, with the sadly continuing legacy of birth defects. Some of the images were exceptionally harrowing. We were very grateful to spend 10 minutes at the end looking around a final display of cartoons and drawings of peace which had been created by young Vietnamese school children.

Apparently when the Vietnamese went to set up the museum many countries donated many exhibits, propoganda posters, photos etc. and it was only the US who charged them monies!! The museum itself is currently under refurbishment so several display areas were not accessible. Hopefully they will also sort out the air con / fan issues in there as it was swelteringly hot when we were looking around. I was very grateful for my Burmese paper fan!!

6. I am now a complete Wire convert and addict. We were v lucky to pick up some bargain DVD collections in Ho Chi Minh, including the complete series of The Wire and the complete works of Woody Allen. I am sooooo happy and Will and I hardly speak anymore.

7. I was lucky to pick up a krama scarf in Ho Chi Minh, and I am trying to pull off European chic with my various neck ties.

8. Oh, we love you Air Asia, we really do. But why oh why did you have to be so silly about weighing everything at Ho Chi Minh?? Our bags weighed the same as they had on every other lovely Air Asia flight (plus maybe a wafer thin DVD or two, and a scarf here, a scarf there…) Let’s still be friends. And then we’ll also forgive you the terrifying flight into Bangkok…

9. We had a terrifying flight into Bangkok. All fine and dandy until we suddenly started losing altitude very quickly. And then all of a sudden out of the blue bit of turbulence / dodgy mid-air manoeuvre which jolted the whole plan sideways quite substantially, throwing a poor air hostess into an empty seat. It was actually quite scary. Happy to finally land. And then noted the 77-year old looking pilot. Even happier to have finally landed.

Back to Thailand -So now here we are again in Thailand. And as I was saying, we spent a few days in Bangkok then we headed on to Pattaya. There we spent 4 days or so dealing with the practical issues we needed to get through with Ian (who was, and is, amazing), and met a lot of Neil’s friends, both Western expats and Thais who were all so welcoming and lovely. Also tried to have some fun, mainly goggling intriguingly at the ubiquitous and blatant sex tourists, and drinking endless ma pao (coconuts). Highlight of Pattaya was definitely the amazing Tiffany’s ladyboy cabaret show which Ian was especially keen we took in (“you can see the emptiness, the sadness behind their eyes” – he really sold it). We all particularly loved ladyboy Tina Turner. Fascinating to watch. Very hard to tell what is what. Definitely subverts gender expectations and messes with your mind!!

Had dinner a couple of times at gorgeous Mantra. THE best pumpkin soup any of us had ever had. And then some. In fact, worth booking a flight out to Thailand just to go here and taste this. So many depths of flavour, so silky, so divinely mmmmm. Caused Will to ask at one point, “What came first, the pretension or the soup?” Plus, they had toothpicks with mint herbs stuck on the end. How genius is that??? Answer: very.

In Pattaya everything is a go go. They even have a JoJo bar a go go. And now we have a gone gone back to Bangkok. Here we are chilling for 5 days whilst Ian does his massage course at Wat Po, I do some writing and Will just generally arses about. Hee hee. Oh, and we need to wait for our Cambodia visas.

Staying at Shanti Lodge, 15 mins or so from the uber-hyped Khao San Road. Receives mixed reviews online but we like it. Ian loves the vegetarian restaurant, and we love the free wifi. Rooms are fairly small (especially as the three of us were in a tiny double room with extra bed pushed in last night. But we move today to larger room with balcony and big fish in a tank) and a tad overpriced, but the communal areas are lovely lovely chilled and happy. The passion punch smoothie is amazing. Oh, and Bangkok National Library is at the end of the road which is just the place I’m planning to be most of this week. SO fortuitous that it is literally 1 minute walk away. You couldn’t have planned that. The travelling fairy is shining down upon us. Now, I just need to find where she put the ma paos around here…?? xx

Will Feigns Disinterest As Ian Updates Jo On X-Factor 2009

* Many of you will also be pleased, and not surprised, to hear that Ian brought out a tupperware container of his delicious homemade houmous, as well as a salad his dad had made, and an English apple segmented perfectly within its foil casing, for us all to enjoy. Lovely. Ian is a big lovely pile of houmous.

Ladyboy Barbie Princess With Tears

Posted by: willmorey | November 11, 2009

Career options

My rather bad effort at nursing Jo back to health and vitality with some expert bandage application.  The technique is clearly flawless.

 

P1050367

expert bandaging

 

 

Posted by: willmorey | November 11, 2009

Eeyore

I thought I would take the opportunity to introduce you to the third member of our travelling family – Eeyore.

P1010105

Eeyore Lovin' The Mojito

He is rather shy but has been working hard on keeping his own blog as he travels please click here to have a look.

Eeyore used to live with our niece Eve, and nephew Thomas, but they decided we needed someone to look after us as we can both be quite irresponsible. Eeyore can be a little bit depressed at times but he has enjoyed travelling very much.

Eeyore is a rather handsome donkey who is currently single and looking for love and friendship. He has many good friends who would recommend him including Winnie the Pooh, Christopher Robin, Piglet and the oh so wise Owl.

Eeyore has recently been kayaking in Vietnam, Kickboxing in Thailand (where he was an undefeated champion), taking alms with the monks in Laos, trekking in Sapa and enjoying many other adventures.

Eeyore has only got into trouble once and that was when he was feeling rather lonely and ended up mistakenly walking into a ping pong bar in Bangkok. After he got talking to some of the nice ladies who were doing some very funny things with bottles of coca cola and some ping pong balls he made a big mistake which led to some terrible misunderstandings. Eeyore got chatting to one of the young ladies who felt very sorry for him and Eeyore said that he was very sad and really wanted to see Pooh, and what can I say it all went wrong from there as she completely misunderstood.

Other than this incident Eeyore has been very well behaved and done a great job in looking after us.  He also has some lovely pictures that you can see so have a look by clicking here.

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