From the far

Right now we should be lying on the beach in Monterrico, chilling out and enjoying the last week of our trip away. Sadly the universe decided that we had had far too smooth a trip up until this point and so decided to throw in a bit of last minute excitement and uncertainty to jolly things up a tad.

Yesterday we were at the massive market in ChiChicastenango (ChiChi to its friends – although not sure if we are its friends) and 20 minutes in, Will was pickpocketed in the hustle and bustle of the cramped crowds. Luckily all that was nicked was his passport (easy to replace) and two credit cards (no big deal – just had to phone up and cancel them. easy enough. although it did take 3 hours to find a working phone line in ChiChi). We happened to be really near four or five Guatemalan policeman when we realised what had happened. They were incredibly helpful and immediately one of them walked with us for twenty minutes directly to the police station so we could report the incident and get confirmation of the crime in order to get a new passport more easily. The police were so friendly and efficient, and even though our broken Spanish was laughable they were extremely patient with us and helped us understand what was happening. And they let us take photos of them with their machine guns (and one guy was also holding a set square).

We continued on to Antigua, arriving late afternoon on Sunday, with the intention of going into Guatemala City today (Monday) to get a new emergency passport from the British Embassy. Will had photocopies of his old passport and his old US ESTA visa. Should be easy enough we thought. Pero no…

Because the final little stage of our trip is to spend 3 days in NYC, we have already booked and paid for our flights from Guatemala City on Thursday to go via Fort Lauderdale to New York before flying back to Heathrow for Christmas. US regulations are that they cannot issue a new ESTA on emergency travel documents, and because Will no longer has his original passport the ESTA Visa he had is no longer valid. Basically at the moment he cannot fly into the US, or even board the plane in Guatemala. On the advice of a helpful American lady at the US Embassy in London (we were desperate for advice) we tried to contact the airline, Spirit to see if they might, in this exceptional circumstance, allow Will to board the plane so that we could deal with the situation when we arrived at US border control. Spirit’s Mardie in Mumbai said the computer said no. And then she had the cheek to try and upsell Will an upgrade on his seat. His response was cutting: “Are you joking? Are you seriously trying to sell me products for a flight you won’t even let me on, when I am in this situation?!” She apologised when she realised she had read too far down her sales script on the screen.

Anyway, speaking to the British Embassy in Guatemala by phone they told us they could issue the emergency travel document no problem but they could not get involved in another country’s visa process and we would have to go through the full normal process with the US Embassy directly for Will to get a full travel visa. Hilariously, the only way they say he can do this is to apply as a Guatemalan Citizen, a process which itself could take days, or even weeks. Even getting an appointment at the US Embassy could take a week.

Our first priority was obviously to get to Guatemala from Antigua as quickly as possible. Again, shouldn’t have been a major problem – Antigua is only 45 minutes by car from the capital. Pero no.  Turns out that this morning the military were out demonstrating in the streets and had blocked off the road out of Antigua and all gateways into Guatemala City. Haha. Joke’s getting funnier, right?!

So we had to wait around in Antigua until the roadblocks cleared some 6 hours or so later.

Finally we arrived in Guat City at about 3.30pm this afternoon, having had to take a longer route around and pay a higher taxi fare. But, we had finally made it to our home from home, the spiffing British Embassy. Here we would be met by happy smiling faces, stiff upper lips persevering in the face of adversity, large glasses of G&T and endless plates of freshly baked fruit scones with Devonshire clotted cream and homemade jam. We even figured they might have marmite on intravenous drip. Pero no.

The British Embassy in Guatemala is similar to a high street bank circa 1987. Cold plastic floor tiles, bad Christmas decorations and 2 booths with screens separating the needy from the help, and not a British person in sight. It immediately became apparent that this whole exercise is all about the form filling. So form filling began. The lady helping us, who is trying her best, said initially that all she could do was help Will get the emergency documents but that she would not be able to help with the US visa. When we pushed her on this, she said she would try to contact her counterpart in the US Embassy and explain the situation but that we would still have to go through the full application process as normal (if normal is a British person applying for a US visa as if they are a Guatemalan citizen). What she might be able to help with is getting us an appointment at the US Embassy in quicker time rather than having to wait a further week. However, to do this she would have to speak to her boss (in Mexico City!) and then write out a letter to give to the US Embassy to get us a speedier appointment.

In the meantime she can start processing Will’s emergency travel document. Luckily he had already got passport photos done in Antigua during the 6 hour wait for the protests to clear. Easy. Pero no. Turns out the photos he got done at the professional passport photo shop are not in line with passport photo guidelines. The ‘professional’ man in the photo shop took the picture from too far away. So, Will had to hotfoot it around to a passport photo place around the corner in Guatemala City. Easy enough. Pero no. When he gets there, the photo booth is broken and an engineer is fixing it but says it won’t be ready for several hours. Luckily, a few words of bad Spanglish later, Will managed to find another photo place further across the city.

So, here we are now. Waiting for the British Embassy to offer us a cup of tea / G&T and for them to write this letter to the US Embassy so we can get an appointment for interview to start the process applying for a visa as a Guatemalan citizen. Will has been practising his Chontal Mayan lingo and has bought himself a pump action shot gun so that he can really get into his Guatemala persona.